can there possibly be anything worse then seeing the man you love, that you will always love with someone else? if there is please tell me cause im at a loss. it honestly kills me to know that he's with her, ive had a suspicion for awhile that something was going on between them but knowing it hurts so damn much. To know what he's fucking her in the same bed we slept in together, that she'll be there for him when he's had a bad day or when something happens. She's the one thats going to be there with him when he laughs and smiles and is the one he's telling all his stupid little jokes to that i used to love. To know that its her he'll have his arms around at night kills me inside.

and honestly i hate that i still feel this way about him. I want to hate him, i want to hate him for the way he treated me, i want to hate him for making me feel like i was never good enough, and i want to hate him most of all for breaking my heart and not giving a shit. but here i am, writing this and still in love with him. i dont know what to do anymore emotionally i just cant take it anymore, so ive decided im just gonna disappear for awhile, no internet, no phone, no going out, no nothing im going to work going to the gym then coming home. less distractions from my goal of getting the hell out of this place plus this way i wont hear, see, or know anything about them

But the part that really hurts is that ill never get that second chance, the one thing i ever really wanted is gone because i have a feeling that this is it for him, he's going to be 26 in January, all his friends are getting married and his mom is starting to get on him about starting a family. i just want to curl up and cry but it seems i cant even do that, ive shed so many tears over him that they just wont come anymore so all i can do is just sit here and think about him knowing that that she will never love him more than i do and that he'll never see that